Blink Blink

it's 3 30 in the morning , i can't seem to get my body to sleep i mean my body wants to sleep but my head keeps screwing it up. I cant feel my eyes closing, are they even blinking?

it's a mad house up there (my brains), thoughts keep flying about , feels kinda like hitting the walls of my skull whatever that means.

is this what they call an anxiety attack ? the problem is i have to diagnose every single thing , why am i like that?


am i up to what's in store for me ? am i ready ? why am i always running around looking for support , and when i don't get it i just crumble. it amazes me now that i just realized, JUST THIS SECOND, that i cant or wont even consider that i can find support from within. You know like depening on "myself" for that.

what's also amazing is that i keep rambling about myself in this blog and all i do in life is count on anyone BUT myself.

that's just disgustingly weak if you ask me .

this is all just too confusing for me , maybe this is an A-HAA moment for me,(got that from Oprah btw). i just love her , i don't care what u think, I LOVE HER.

ok here comes the guilt, the guilt of me sounding ungrateful of what i have now. I hate it when i feel that way. I DONT WANT TO CARE FOR A WHILE.

I love my life, i'm excited about the future, i love everything. There , to ease off my guilt.

on a more serious note. Al hamdullallah, i am truly blessed for everyone in my life, i just tend to lose my way every once in a while. Al Hamdullah.