Not My Thing

I usually come here when i'm upset, pissed off, frustrated, depressed . Yeah that's basically it!

I don't come here when I'm sad. Sad is heavy on me , i don't "do" sad.

It's the feeling of being misunderstood, don't get me wrong, I don't go round trying to please people. It's just not my thing.

I'm talking about people who count , who really count in your life. People you're "real" with. Common don't tell me you're real with everyone, you would be one BIG FAT LIAR..ok maybe not fat. but hey !

Someone really special accuse you of things, jugding you. You have to think , okay so all those years , all the things we went through together, don't get me wrong. im not one to throw things i did for people back at them. Also, "not my thing".

But sometimes you have to list the things in your head, ok i did this , did that, this happened, felt this, felt that. Was that not being real enough?

I can fight and fight for a relationship if and only if i am appreciated. When that's gone , is there anything left to fight for? I wonder.

So i sit here, wondering if i should be all defensive, or just let it be. If there was anything , it will come back to them. It must , well it should .

It's not my thing to fight and beg just to be understood, to prove to you i'm real. I was real till the very end. If you form my heart into a human being. It would be sitting back somewhere , or walking around , whichever way,, it would be Naked. Ha i'm so good with description. (not)